Dating Q&A

In my last post, I asked you all to submit questions you had about dating. Thanks so much to those of you who submitted questions! You all had amazing questions, and I really enjoyed answering them! I hope you enjoy reading the questions and answers, but before you begin reading I would like to make one comment and that is that as a young 16-year old I don’t have all the correct answers, but I tried to answer the questions to the best of my ability from past experiences and advice given to me. If you have differing beliefs or questions please comment below with them! I would love to hear from you!

Kiara

“Is 16 too young to start dating? I’m only asking because I’m 16.”

I believe a lot of determining whether or not a certain age is too young to date, is based on an individual’s maturity level. Your goal in dating should be to get to know someone better to determine whether or not you could see yourself marrying them in the future. Many teens aren’t ready to think about that yet, and probably wouldn’t be ready to date until later on in their twenties, but some are more mature as teens and may be ready for a commitment like that. I would strongly recommend to not date under 16 years old (and probably, preferably 17-18 years old) because as a young teen your goals and priorities should be to grow in your relationship with Christ and the person He has created you to be. My guess is many won’t be ready to make that commitment or be mature enough for a dating relationship until their late teens, but everyone is different.

“Is courtship a better word for it than dating?”

I would say so. You should date or court with the purpose or intention of seeing if this person is someone you would like to marry someday, so courtship is definitely a good word to describe that or you could say dating with a purpose.

Grace

“How many dates do you think you should go on with someone before you decide if you’d like to continue getting to know them?”

That’s a good question! I think you should go into your first date with a few, deep questions to get to know the person and see if their views and goals in life are similar to yours. Being intentional about your first date will give you a feel for that person’s character. I’ve heard the advice that the goal in your first date is to figure out whether or not you want to go on a second date, not to figure out if this is your future husband. I would recommend to be very intentional and ask hard questions on the first couple dates and after that, that should give you a good, general idea of whether or not this person has core beliefs and values that align with yours and whether or not you would be interested in continuing the relationship. And pray and pray! Don’t be so stressed about figuring out if this is “the one” that you don’t actually enjoy the date, though, just try to be a little more intentional.

Chaperones or not?

I think this depends on the couple and where they are coming from. I would encourage every couple to talk about it among themselves and individually to their mentors and pray to see if that’s something they feel led to do or not. I would encourage younger couples to consider having a couple of friends tag along as chaperones to hold that couple accountable. Whether the couple is more mature or not, I would encourage couples to go on dates in public. Whether they go to a restaurant, a busy park, or bowling, someplace that is a bit more crowded can help keep them accountable from doing something they might regret later. I would never encourage a couple to have a date in a private, quiet location as that can create a lot of temptation. And, ultimately, you want to glorify God in your relationship and have as few or no regrets. Keeping the goal to glorify God in your relationship might mean that you have chaperones, or maybe you don’t feel led to have chaperones but have a set of guidelines your mentors hold you accountable to. Either way, the focus should be on the heart and glorifying God, not on a set of rules.

Lyra

“How do you know when you’re ready to start dating? [Either for the first time or after a break-up.]

A few big factors in determining when you’re ready to start dating are the reasons behind why you want to date, what your relationship with God looks like, and your level of maturity as a person.

For instance, if you are interested in dating for the reasons of filling a void of loneliness, to simply fit in, or to feel loved, special, valued, and beautiful, I would strongly encourage you not to date. Invest in solid friendships with peers, your relationship with Christ, and developing your talents so you don’t start to find your identity, value, and purpose in that dating relationship.

What does your relationship with God look like? Are you spending time in His presence, digging into His Word, and staying in tune with how you can glorify Him every day? It’s a good idea, if your relationship with God is faltering or almost non-existent, to take a season of life and simply focus on strengthening and deepening that relationship, so dating doesn’t become something that detracts attention or priority of your relationship with Christ.

As for your level of maturity, I encourage you to ask mentors, your parents, and friends in your life to honestly tell you whether or not they think you’re ready for a step in life like this. It may be an awkward question to ask and even harder to accept their advice, but it’s really smart to talk to mentors in your life before stepping into a relationship like this. They know you the best and can offer advice on whether they think you are mature enough as a person to begin dating.

Amber

“What do you think dating should look like for a Christian couple?”

I believe dating for a Christian couple should be focused on Christ and glorifying Him in their relationship with each other. Dating for a Christian couple should also have a level of seriousness that is becoming void in other dating relationships. Meaning that they are intentional in getting to know each other’s beliefs, passions, standards, etc. during the relationship. I see a dating relationship between a Christian couple as a young man and woman in an intentional and Christ-centered relationship and being open to ending the dating relationship if needed with mutual respect.

“I have always believed that dating should be taken seriously and not as just something you can do with anyone at any time. But, I know that this isn’t a universal opinion! Your thoughts on that?”

I definitely agree with you that dating should be taken seriously and not treated casually. I believe there should be a deeper level of intention in the relationship than merely dating for the fun of it with no purpose otherwise. Personally, like I mentioned a lot above, I believe dating for Christians should be done with the desire to get to know an individual you’re interested in with the purpose of determining if this is a person you could see yourself marrying in the future. It doesn’t mean the relationship can’t be fun and has to be extremely serious, it just means that there’s an underlying intention and purpose in that relationship.

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